Oh how toxic our love was.
The constant back and forth, the highs and lows, the bliss and the pain. How I wanted it to be different. For you to let me in, stop pushing me away. We were both damaged, both carrying so much pain. You knew you had me and you held me at arms length. I believed if I loved you harder then you would. Just. See.
I was patient. I gave you time. Space. The things you said you needed. You always had a foot out the door. Giving me *just* enough affection to keep me hooked but never the full amount that I deserved.
I was addicted – chasing the highs that always followed with the inevitable lows once you retreated again. I gave and I gave. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, THIS time. You. Would. See.
It was only once we were apart that I could see. See how our love, however much I wanted it, just brought more pain into my life.
Remember, two people can honestly, truly love each other and still be utterly toxic.
I refuse to repeat this pattern again. I refuse to allow half love into my life. Those doors will firmly close. I deserve a FULL and reciprocal love.